i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
