why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just gift wrapped bread.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
