Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
