I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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