Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
