i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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