i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
