Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
