I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
