i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize