Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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