as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We got so high we made milksteak
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
