The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize