What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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