I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
