This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
