Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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