All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's always time for handjobs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
