its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
