my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the day after is always just damage control
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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