He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
