Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
