plz talk dirty to me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
