in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I party with great urgency now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
