I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
