I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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