I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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