What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
