1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize