don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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