You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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