The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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