I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
