So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
