Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
