Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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