Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
