I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
