Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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