I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
