u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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