my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
