Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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