So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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