i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We don't watch enough power rangers
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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