Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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