i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
