I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
