YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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