You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
