He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Terrible idea I love it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
