We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
