We left an ass print on the piano.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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