got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
