I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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