My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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