no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
