she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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