Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
