I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My vagina just recognized that song.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this is an emotional support booty call
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
