He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
