Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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