now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
