i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
