Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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