Do you still have your period?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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