I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
